Finding the words

Trying to write on here is a bit of a struggle as late. I could blame a sick dog or work or a general busy-ness of life that’s stopping me, but that would be a cheat. 

Truth is am a huge procrastinator and this past week offered me a ton of great distractions. Plus, I just have had a bit of a difficult time getting back into the writing groove. I feel ideas percolating in my head but when it comes to putting the words down on paper they come out stiff and wooden. No life to them. 

So I will be taking things slowly on here. Finding the words takes time. 

In the meantime some quick hits:

FUN FILM I SAW: I watched PITCH PERFECT on dvd this past week. It’s not normally the type of film I would watch but the word of mouth was so great, I had to check it out. I was so glad I did. Sure the story of the all girl acapella group versus the all boy acapella group was predictable, but it had so much energy and humor to it that you can’t help but get sucked in. Anna Kendrick is really charming in the lead. If you don’t start singing along in the final performance, you have no soul.

FUN BOOK I AM READING: If you ever told me I would be reading a book that featured a chapter about Scritti Politti, I would probably tell you to get out of here with some swearing in the middle. But that is just what I am reading in RIP IT UP AND START AGAIN, a history of post punk music. Author Simon Reynolds is one of the best natural writers of music I have ever read and his way of describing a band’s music is vibrant and engrossing. My list of music to download has grown thanks to him. 

I haven’t written anything for a while. Years in fact. I am hoping to change that. 

I used to write all the time. I mean in 5th Grade I wrote a whole play! A mystery, to be precise, set on an English estate. Reading it back, it’s hilariously bad, but I remember being so proud of it. The teacher had it bound up and it was on display for parent night. I still have it, sitting on top of my bookshelf. 

I used to write stories and scripts. I studied English in college. I wrote for my college newspaper. Then I moved to New York and soon my passion for writing began to disappear. 

I always thought that it just faded away, that it was a childhood pursuit that I lost interest in as I grew older. But lately I have begun to question this. I wonder now if the reason is because I was drinking my passion away. 

A year and a half ago I was forced to face the reality that I was an alcoholic. When I did, I had to accept responsibility and shame for many actions in my life that I am not proud of. I had to deal with repairing damage to friendships. I had to focus on becoming a sober person. That’s not as easy as you may think. 

But it hasn’t been all pain and revelations. I spent a lot of time relearning to enjoy life and all the entertainment New York City has to offer. I drove across the country and back, seeing America like I had always dreamed of doing. I recently became the proud owner of a young puppy that has taught me how to love something unconditionally. 

It’s in this that I have started to wonder if writing was something that didn’t disappear, but was submerged. If now that I am sober, that passion can be rekindled. I am unsure yet. This is the first thing I have written and I have mixed feelings about it. Its a start, anyway. That’s the important thing. 

So I will be trying to get back on here more, and working on writing some more for myself. Maybe it will come back, maybe its gone forever. I hope it is still there within me, just waiting to come back. I will be very curious to see what comes of all of this.